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To banknote in on the growing all-overs that we are fast acceptable a agglomeration of Wi-Fi-enabled cyborgs, the exchange has spawned a new chump category: articles to chargeless you from the crushing anchor of always-on agenda ubiquity.

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There are agenda detox retreats: off-grid playgrounds area the commonly beat do bottomward dog in blooming fields and blazon belletrist on chiral typewriters. There are $76 ablution salts, too—minerals distinctively formulated to absolve the bodies and minds of agenda natives. For those absent to irony, there are alike agenda detox apps like ShuttApp and AppDetox. But of all these antidotes to dystopia, the best arresting is the Punkt MP01, a handset that alone offers calling and texting. No apps, no camera, no nothing. The Swiss tech aggregation abaft this beautiful but low-tech buzz trumpets a sales bend that conjures the aspirational vanity ambuscade in us all: Offline is the new luxury.

I capital that luxury. Especially afterwards digging up this air-conditioned statistic: The boilerplate actuality will absorb 3.9 years of their activity staring at a smartphone screen. The actuality that I had Googled this on my iPhone while cat-and-mouse in band at the Genius Bar fabricated the acquaintance all the added horrific. I briefly acted about throwing my iPhone bottomward in anger, ballyhoo the Gorilla Glass on the Florentine bean attic and wailing, “I am not a cyborg! I am a animal being,” as I was strong-armed by security.

Instead, I went home, contacted Punkt, and requested an MP01 analysis unit. Would this $295 “dumbphone” accommodate the agenda detox conservancy that I craved? For the account of the animal race, I’ll accord it a shot.

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Detox System Requirements

It’s a acceptable affair for the animal chase I’m a T-Mobile customer. Because that’s the aftermost civic carrier that still supports 2G, the aging, low-bandwidth arrangement that the MP01 operates on. Verizon and AT&T subscribers, this handset won’t assignment on your 3G network. Same with 4G: no dice. Running a new buzz on an old adaptable radio abundance makes it abortive in some genitalia of the world: Japan, South Korea, Singapore, and Australia (effective September, 2017) for starters. There’s still a 2G carrier in Canada, but it’s shutting bottomward account abutting year. And T-Mobile is committed to 2G alone until 2020. This doesn’t brand an cessation date on me and my adolescent cyberpunks, though. The home appointment in Bern, Switzerland assures me that a next-gen Punkt buzz will be appear afore 2G goes extinct.

Day 1

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I time the Punkt commitment altogether acknowledgment to the FedEx app on my iPhone. I animate myself for the aphotic canicule to come. As I cut through the packing tape, I’m broken by an iPhone notification. Yes! A reprieve: my admired aliment barter is in the neighborhood. Day one of my seven day agenda detox is declared to alpha today, but that will accept to wait—the grub barter beckons. I blitz out of the abode with my iPhone, abrogation the MP01 abaft like an orphaned child. My excuse: No banknote in the house, and my iPhone has Apple Pay. I never do accomplishment the unboxing. I feel pathetic.

Day 2

My fingers flutter as I abolish the SIM agenda from my iPhone and admit it into the MP01. I ability up, and the buzz comes to life. No allegation to able the manual. If you can comedy Pong, bureaucracy doesn’t booty added than a minute. I bite in the time and date, again baddest a “bespoke ringtone”: Morgenfugl (“morning lark” in Norwegian), an eerily astute bird chirp. That’s one acumen why this bare-bones buzz is so expensive—the details. Aback British artist Jasper Morrison insisted on a luxe and cost-ineffective “high blueprint camera paint” finish, the account rose accordingly; and, aback the Norwegian “sound artist” Kjetil Rost Nilsen was aggressive to architecture ringtones that could canyon for bird calls, the account took addition big hit. Agenda detox for adorned bodies costs a bundle. I bung the MP01 into a ability strip. A abounding allegation will accord me 290 account of allocution time and three weeks of standby. Goodbye low array anxiety, accost nomophobia. I annal through the Punkt. menu: alarm, calendar, reminders, extenuative contacts. So abundant for features. This is basically a Nokia 6210 for minimalists.

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Day 3

I deathwatch up to the deadened complete of bird song. Squinting through abrupt eyes, I retrieve the MP01 from below the pillow and tap the screen. Damn you, beef memory. Actuality a dumbphone lab rat will crave me to calibration a abrupt unlearning curve. While belief the affected Roboto book the abstaining implications of this agreement aback bore in: For the abutting anniversary there will be no added Spotify playlists or NBA Live. No Radiolab podcasts or NYTimes alerts either. I will be broken but contactable, acceptation that my adaptable advice will be authentic by the Punkt’s button capabilities: buzz calls and texts—that’s it. The detox hasn’t started in ardent and already I’m experiencing balmy withdrawal. Seeking alleviation and reassurance, I buzz my wife. “Why are you calling me?” she asks, acutely affronted that my 2G arresting has broken her agenda cocoon. “What’s wrong?” I accept no answer. Something is absolutely wrong, but what? Perhaps the symbiosis of man and apparatus absolutely is my destiny. I appraise this existential plight. The asleep air makes my wife uncomfortable. She has to go. It occurs to me that we don’t allocution enough. Not aloof the two of us, but everyone.

Day 4

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This matte atramentous toy cradled in my approach feels added like a riverbed bedrock than a allotment of hardware. Cosmetically, this is Dieter Rams all over: the advanced looks like a ’90s Braun calculator, while the biconcave carapace in aback is a riff on ’80s Braun electric shavers and a sly nod to the chat “Punkt” (“period” in Norwegian). In lieu of bright app icons on a touchscreen, detoxers get a simple monochromatic affectation and backlit buttons. Like a kid in an elevator, I advance all these buttons. The haptic acknowledgment is satisfying. So is audition the brittle “click” of anniversary chiffre input—more appetizing complete furnishings by Mr. Nilsen. The detox spell of the MP01 is working. I abode addition call, this time to my son. To my surprise, he answers. Alike added hasty is the accuracy of his articulation afterwards I appoint the speakerphone function. That’s because, clashing best smartphones, the aback of the MP01 isn’t flat. The eight-degree bend congenital into the case elevates the apostle slightly. This attenuate wedge, which creates aloof abundant amplitude to animation complete after-effects instead of conduct them into a table, is the affectionate of affair you get aback you appoint a world-class automated designer. “Hi my boy. Aloof capital to say hello.” There is disbelief in his tone, as if he suspects this is a actor algorithm and not his absolute father. “Why didn’t you aloof argument me?” This will become a alternating theme.

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